The Beginning... Month One

It's strange to think that my life has changed so much in a year. Last year at this time, I was working as a special education teacher, running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to help 20 other people's kids that were struggling in so many ways. Now, I'm at home, with only one kid, my own, and I'll be honest... sometimes I really miss a year ago.

I suppose I should start at the beginning, being as that is what this first entry is titled. Over a year ago, my husband finally caved after I continually hinted that it was time for us to have children. My cousins all had kids that year as well as a few friends and I was READY in capital letters. Most of the people that I knew struggled to get pregnant and I thought I would be in that boat. You know... try for over 6 months and finally get pregnant. Lucky us, it took only 2... one if you count that the first month we really didn't actively try. I think at that time, I was in shock and that's when the worrying began. The pregnancy went great, with the exception of me being a hormonal ball of emotions. To be honest, that isn't far off from what I normally am anyways. Jonathan Ralph arrived this past October and I couldn't have been happier. He was a big boy of over 8 pounds and a healthy little guy.

I know that I should talk about all the times, he's made me laugh and how much I love this little guy in my life. But to be honest, I started this blog to (pardon the expression) throw up all the junk that is the other side of the story in being a mom.

I suppose I should have known when Jonathan did not follow the game plan even during labor. I started off well and was admitted to the hospital in the early morning one October day. Things were moving along, then at around 2 o'clock, Jonathan decided to get stuck and I stalled out.. literally 3 hours of NO PROGRESS, followed by a fever, and then finally a stressful decision to have a C-section. So even at the beginning, things didn't go as planned.

Then, breastfeeding... I decided, yes I'm doing this, I'll be home with him and can do this. Only he wasn't latching on, and my milk wasn't coming in and he was downright furious about it. All the literature says, don't give bottles or pacifiers, it will confuse him. What it doesn't say is that your son will lose over a pound in the hospital and won't let you sleep because he's starving. It doesn't tell you that you will have no milk until Friday and he was born on a Sunday, so can't feed him yet even though he hasn't eaten in 6 days! Suffice it to say, he got supplemented formula in the hospital after two days of torture and that first week home.

The first two weeks were great... being as friends delivered meals and my parents moved in for 10 days. Then they left and the sleepy, beautiful boy didn't nap any more and screamed most of the time. Week three began the wonderful world of colicky baby. Jonathan screamed off and on throughout the day and night and there wasn't much we could do, except bounce him, jostling him enough that he would only cry, not scream bloody murder. Two weeks of no sleep, a screaming child, and "What am I doing wrong?" is enough to make anyone insane. It was then followed by setting a schedule that bugaboo (my nickname for the little man that evolved from "bugger" and baby-talk "boo") and a guessing game of what can't mommy eat. The list kept getting bigger and we discovered that kiddo's screaming, upset tummies, and gas were from me eating: Dairy (milk, cream, cheese), green veggies, tomatoes, spicy food (including Mexican) and Chinese. So on top of no sleep, my diet turned into (and continues to be) nearly bread and water along with a lack of my favorite foods. Right now, I would die for a lasagna.

So month one was hard... Harder than anything else I've ever done in my life. Thinking back, I probably suffered from PPD (postpartum depression) and probably am still recovering from it, thus my intent to write it all down in this blog. Then maybe some day, when I'm driving the kiddo nuts, I can pull it out and say "You owe me!" :)